Failure IS an Option (Sort Of) - Genre Reflection #1

       Failure is one of those necessary parts of life that we all inevitably have to endure, but never really get the chance to see coming. Sure with some forethought and an ample amount of planning failure can be pushed further and further out of sight, but it is always a possibility looming menacingly in the shadows of our minds, lying in wait for its opportunity to strike. For Mr. Howard, however, he didn't even see it coming.

       The day had started just like every other had: violently lurching from the comforts of sleep, “I should have picked chimes,” he thought out loud to himself before wrenching his phone off the dresser and muting the shattering death knell emitting from it. Shrugging off the blankets that had provided him comfort he began preparing for the day ahead all the while dawning a cheery grin. He felt more elated than usual since today was his first big day of the semester. Mr. Howard was a second year student studying education and his first assignment was to design and teach a unit of his own creation. He had spent his entire weekend preparing one of the lesson in this unit with some advice from his mentor teacher. After several hours looking through every conceivable lens, after checking, double checking, and even triple checking, he felt that this work was better than anything he had done previously. He simply could not wait to see how the lesson unfolded.

       Now Mr. Howard, being in his infant years as an English teacher in training, would usually arrive to his assigned school about half an hour before needing to in order to account for any of life's mishaps. Today, however, in the midst of his excitement he had inadvertently arrived an hour ahead of schedule. Upon realizing this he decided to spend 30 uninterrupted minutes of his free time to go over his lesson and try to spot anything in it that would require some last minute polishing. After being satisfied that his plans were fool proof he made his way to the classroom.

       After arriving and having his usual pre-class conference with his mentor teacher the bell rang signaling that lunch had ended. Soon enough students began to enter into the classroom to find their seats. Mr. Howard was given an introduction by his mentor teacher and began to lead the class. He followed the classroom procedure with the utmost of ease. He carefully observed that everyone had out the necessary tools for the day, and that everyone was accounted for and ready to begin. “All right class last week we finished our discussion of The Wise Old Woman and today we are going to be doing a choral read of The Rules of the Game,” he paused for a moment as students began pulling their textbooks from under their seats. He could almost see the dust being kicked loose from their covers as the books were being disturbed from the weekend of silent slumber.

       The lesson started out as Mr. Howard had planned. Everyone had their books out and, for the most part, on the correct page. After stating the page number a few more times, and eventually writing it on the board, everyone was ready to begin. But before he could start off the choral reading the classroom phone began to ring. The silence audibly pounded in the back of his ears as the lone ring was the sound to be heard. All eyes shifted over the the desk at which Mr. Howard's mentor teacher sat. After a few brief moments and a receiver slam Mr. Howard was snapped back to reality. His mentor stood up and excused himself from the room to attend to the phone calls message. At first this was not that big of a deal to Mr. Howard since he had already spent the weekend and plenty of time before class going over what he had planned to teach, though he was a little nervous about handling behavior without the assistance of his mentor. After the teacher had left and the door clicked shut behind him the students immediately lost focus and conversations started up all across the room. Trying to assert himself as the adult in the room he quickly succeeded in getting the students to quiet down by modeling his own mentors method of counting down from 5 on his hand. Witnessing this level of cooperation caused a small flutter of excitement in him as he started the class in their choral reading.

       After he had read the first paragraph aloud he started reading the second paragraph knowing the students would join in and read it together just as they had done the week before. They didn't. He stopped reading and asked the class to join alongside him. Half of them did but the rest of the class started their conversations again. Not knowing what to do he kept reading with the half of the class that was following along. Eventually everyone started to read at different intervals and before long the room was a chaotic medley of white noise. Nothing up to this point in Mr. Howard's life could have prepared him for the terror he was struck with as the class dove deeper into the fray. Several times he made an attempt to stop the class and try to regroup but by this point the situation was too far gone. Those who were reading had stopped due to the overwhelming level of disjointedness and resigned to talking to the students who were already off task. Mr. Howard froze where he stood incapable of doing or saying anything for what felt like an eternity even if it was only a few seconds. His perfect lesson had one flaw: the one person in the room who had the best grasp on student behavior was no longer there to mitigate this exact situation from happening. He had read several different chapters on how to deal with these types of things in his classwork, but nothing prepared him for when it actually happened to him. After attempting to model some of the techniques he felt completely helpless and alone in the room as he watched his efforts fail.

       A moment of relief came as the door to the room slowly opened and his mentor had returned. He took on look at Mr. Howard and then at the class. Slowly he lifted his hand into the air and without a word started takings fingers away reaching zero. Almost as swiftly as it had started, the noise died out. Mr. Howard grimaced awkwardly as he looked his mentor directly in the eyes. He could feel the disappointed gaze burrowing into his skull and his face burned red hot with humiliation at the scene that was unfolding before him. He couldn't understand how his mentor was so able to stifle them noise with such ease. The stern lecture that his mentor started giving the students about respecting any “teacher” that was in the room only made him feel worse about how easily his lesson fell apart. After his mentor had finished redirecting the students he took over the lesson and finished out the rest of the class while Mr. Howard sat defeated in the corner of the room, not wanting anyone to see his face for fear he might start crying in front of them.

       Once the bell rang and class let out for the next period Mr. Howard worked up the courage to go talk with his mentor about the situation and try to gain some insight on how to handle it more appropriately. Before he could get a word out of his mouth his mentor took charge of the conversation.

       “So what do you think went wrong with your lesson?” He started.

       “Not having a clue how to get the students to stay with me on the assignment once they started getting off task. I even tried several things from my textbooks, and still nothing worked.” Mr. Howard replied.

       “How about this, when you go home tonight I want you to find your own way of regaining their attention and from now on I want you to stick with it.”

       Upon returning home that afternoon he spent the rest of his day perpetually reliving the horrifying scene over and over again as if he were in a waking nightmare. Hours and hours crept by and his mentors words bounced around his brain to the point of spilling out into reality. And then suddenly, as if the crashing tides of his mind had vanished, all was quiet. At that moment he knew what failure was and he was determined to not let it win. He would rise above it and conquer it at every turn and better himself for the benefit of those that look up to him now and for many years to come. He decided on that day that who he was and what he accomplishes won't be decided by his failures, but by how he surpasses them and succeeds through them.

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.