Failure
is one of those necessary parts of life that we all inevitably have
to endure, but never really get the chance to see coming. Sure with
some forethought and an ample amount of planning failure can be
pushed further and further out of sight, but it is always a
possibility looming menacingly in the shadows of our minds, lying in
wait for its opportunity to strike. For Mr. Howard, however, he
didn't even see it coming.
The
day had started just like every other had: violently lurching from
the comforts of sleep, “I should have picked chimes,” he thought
out loud to himself before wrenching his phone off the dresser and
muting the shattering death knell emitting from it. Shrugging
off the blankets that had provided him comfort he began preparing for
the day ahead all the while dawning a cheery grin. He felt more
elated than usual since today was his first big day of the semester.
Mr. Howard was a second year student studying education and his first
assignment was to design and teach a unit of his own creation. He had
spent his entire weekend preparing one of the lesson in this unit
with some advice from his mentor teacher. After several hours looking
through every conceivable lens, after checking, double checking, and
even triple checking, he felt that this work was better than anything
he had done previously. He simply could not wait to see how the
lesson unfolded.
Now
Mr. Howard, being in his infant years as an English teacher in
training, would usually arrive to his assigned school about half an
hour before needing to in order to account for any of life's mishaps.
Today, however, in the midst of his excitement he had inadvertently
arrived an hour ahead of schedule. Upon realizing this he decided to
spend 30 uninterrupted minutes of his free time to go over his lesson
and try to spot anything in it that would require some last minute
polishing. After being satisfied that his plans were fool proof he
made his way to the classroom.
After
arriving and having his usual pre-class conference with his mentor
teacher the bell rang signaling that lunch had ended. Soon enough
students began to enter into the classroom to find their seats. Mr.
Howard was given an introduction by his mentor teacher and began to
lead the class. He followed the classroom procedure with the utmost
of ease. He carefully observed that everyone had out the necessary
tools for the day, and that everyone was accounted for and ready to
begin. “All right class last week we finished our discussion of The
Wise Old Woman and
today we are going to be doing a choral read of The
Rules of the Game,”
he paused for a moment as students began pulling their textbooks from
under their seats. He could almost see the dust being kicked loose
from their covers as the books were being disturbed from the weekend
of silent slumber.
The
lesson started out as Mr. Howard had planned. Everyone had their
books out and, for the most part, on the correct page. After stating
the page number a few more times, and eventually writing it on the
board, everyone was ready to begin. But before he could start off the
choral reading the classroom phone began to ring. The silence audibly
pounded in the back of his ears as the lone ring was the sound to be
heard. All eyes shifted over the the desk at which Mr. Howard's
mentor teacher sat. After a few brief moments and a receiver slam Mr.
Howard was snapped back to reality. His mentor stood up and excused
himself from the room to attend to the phone calls message. At first
this was not that big of a deal to Mr. Howard since he had already
spent the weekend and plenty of time before class going over what he
had planned to teach, though he was a little nervous about handling
behavior without the assistance of his mentor. After the teacher had
left and the door clicked shut behind him the students immediately
lost focus and conversations started up all across the room. Trying
to assert himself as the adult in the room he quickly succeeded in
getting the students to quiet down by modeling his own mentors method
of counting down from 5 on his hand. Witnessing this level of
cooperation caused a small flutter of excitement in him as he started
the class in their choral reading.
After
he had read the first paragraph aloud he started reading the second
paragraph knowing the students would join in and read it together
just as they had done the week before. They didn't. He stopped
reading and asked the class to join alongside him. Half of them did
but the rest of the class started their conversations again. Not
knowing what to do he kept reading with the half of the class that
was following along. Eventually everyone started to read at different
intervals and before long the room was a chaotic medley of white
noise. Nothing up to this point in Mr. Howard's life could have
prepared him for the terror he was struck with as the class dove
deeper into the fray. Several times he made an attempt to stop the
class and try to regroup but by this point the situation was too far
gone. Those who were reading had stopped due to the overwhelming
level of disjointedness and resigned to talking to the students who
were already off task. Mr. Howard froze where he stood incapable of
doing or saying anything for what felt like an eternity even if it
was only a few seconds. His perfect lesson had one flaw: the one
person in the room who had the best grasp on student behavior was no
longer there to mitigate this exact situation from happening. He had
read several different chapters on how to deal with these types of
things in his classwork, but nothing prepared him for when it
actually happened to him. After attempting to model some of the
techniques he felt completely helpless and alone in the room as he
watched his efforts fail.
A
moment of relief came as the door to the room slowly opened and his
mentor had returned. He took on look at Mr. Howard and then at the
class. Slowly he lifted his hand into the air and without a word
started takings fingers away reaching zero. Almost as swiftly as it
had started, the noise died out. Mr. Howard grimaced awkwardly as he
looked his mentor directly in the eyes. He could feel the
disappointed gaze burrowing into his skull and his face burned red
hot with humiliation at the scene that was unfolding before him. He
couldn't understand how his mentor was so able to stifle them noise
with such ease. The stern lecture that his mentor started giving the
students about respecting any “teacher” that was in the room only
made him feel worse about how easily his lesson fell apart. After his
mentor had finished redirecting the students he took over the lesson
and finished out the rest of the class while Mr. Howard sat defeated
in the corner of the room, not wanting anyone to see his face for
fear he might start crying in front of them.
Once
the bell rang and class let out for the next period Mr. Howard worked
up the courage to go talk with his mentor about the situation and try
to gain some insight on how to handle it more appropriately. Before
he could get a word out of his mouth his mentor took charge of the
conversation.
“So
what do you think went wrong with your lesson?” He started.
“Not
having a clue how to get the students to stay with me on the
assignment once they started getting off task. I even tried several
things from my textbooks, and still nothing worked.” Mr. Howard
replied.
“How
about this, when you go home tonight I want you to find your own way
of regaining their attention and from now on I want you to stick with
it.”
Upon
returning home that afternoon he spent the rest of his day
perpetually reliving the horrifying scene over and over again as if
he were in a waking nightmare. Hours and hours crept by and his
mentors words bounced around his brain to the point of spilling out
into reality. And then suddenly, as if the crashing tides of his mind
had vanished, all was quiet. At that moment he knew what failure was
and he was determined to not let it win. He would rise above it and
conquer it at every turn and better himself for the benefit of those
that look up to him now and for many years to come. He decided on
that day that who he was and what he accomplishes won't be decided by
his failures, but by how he surpasses them and succeeds
through them.
Disclaimer
This
is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events
and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination
or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons,
living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
